Instead of a 2012 recap I decided to share the one major lesson I learned this year.
Warning: Brutal HONESTY ahead!
When you’re in a fight with a friend who you care about, then it doesn’t matter who talks to whom first to resolve the conflict. But during the fight if you realize you no longer want to be friends with that person because they’ve always been a bad friend, then do you tell them? Do you give your perspective of the situation and how you feel they’ve been a terrible friend for YEARS? Not so you can reconcile but so that person can be a better friend to others in the future.
You may be asking, “If this friend was so terrible for so long, why were you even friends?” and “Why end it now?” or perhaps “Why are you being so mean and unfair?” The answer is that I didn’t want to see anything negative in my closest friend. I’m not into drama or conflict so I forgive easily plus, not a lot of things bother me. That’s why I was able to be friends with this person when others gave up over the years. But now I’ve realized I’m just not willing to and don’t need to tolerate certain things anymore.
Over time, I learned the hard way that it’s not possible to be friends with someone who gets satisfaction out of constantly playing the victim, twists your words and actions so they can continue to be the saint, comes up with any rationalization that justifies their behavior, escapes any responsibility on their part of the situation, who wants the friendship only on their terms, who is immature and passive aggressive in what they say and do, basically, someone who is a master manipulator. The sad truth is that there are many girls like this. I’m not describing an anomaly. This is the reason why girls are generally labeled as “evil”. Sometimes I wish I could be a guy with only guy friends because they’re, usually, much less manipulative and analyze a situation rationally and logically.
But most people will never catch on because they’ll probably never become as close to this person as I have. Most will remain friends, probably superficially, with this person and never experience what I’ve experienced. It’s truly sad that the friendship had to end this way but frankly, it was inevitable. Deep down my gut knew the truth but it took this long for me to accept it.
Tip: A girl without close long-term girlfriends, keyword being long-term, probably doesn’t know what it means to be a true friend. Ladies, be cautious when befriending this type of girl. Gentlemen, never marry this type of girl.
A wise friend told me that as we get older it won’t even be feasible to maintain certain friendships because they become contingent on your life stage. A single person has different priorities than someone who wants to settle down and slowly, the commonalities will lessen between them and naturally the friendship will end. This holds true for what I’ve been told many times before from my older friends. They always tell me that the reason why people in their 30’s only have a handful of friends is because they eventually cut out all the toxic ones.
In addition, I realized there is no longer a need for a “bestie” in my life. What I once thought was so important and special no longer holds true. Don’t get me wrong; I still need girlfriends in my life, like every girl does. But I don’t need to have just one “best friend”. All I need is a small circle of deep, healthy friendships with good girlfriends. Healthy friendships based on the desire to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally. A healthy relationship is composed of two people who are humble and honest with one another, which means more courage to do the right thing and more compassion when things go wrong. It’s not easy, but growth means choosing honesty over passivity every single time. So, stop being passive if you want your relationships to remain healthy!